Holiday Newsletters

Today’s Holidailies Prompt is “Write the family holiday newsletter that you’ve never dared to send.”

The “never dared to send” part makes me think that this newsletter should be R rated or something.  But that sort of negates the “family” part of it, doesn’t it.  Maybe just add a lot of swearing and some mindless violence to get that R rating.

I think I’m in the minority, but I kind of like family holiday newsletters, especially from people that I don’t often get a chance to catch up with.  Facebook has changed things, of course, but it’s fun to see the various accomplishments of a family from the previous year.  Sure, it’s a page of bragging, but that’s okay.  I especially love when people try to interject humor into their newsletters.   Even if it fails, I definitely appreciate the attempt.  So here’s my attempt.

Happy Holidays!  Congrats on making it to the end of 2009, and congrats on receiving this letter!  If you are reading this, that means that Megan actually likes you and cared enough to send you a Christmas card.  Or it might mean that she doesn’t like you and wants the chance to brag and show you just how awesome she is.  But don’t worry, there’s at least a 75% chance you’re in the former category.

So 2009 was a pretty successful year for Megan.  She  made it through her fellowship without getting fired, which she considers a real accomplishment.  She’s still in the same job, and she’s very happy to be employed.  This year, a trapeze school set up shop outside her office windows, creating some great workday distractions.  Sadly, they have closed for the season, and she never got the chance to try out her crazy circus skills.

Megan has continued running this year, and in November, crossed the 500 mile mark.  She ran two ten mile races this year, as well as a 5K, and in March, 2010, she will be tackling her first half marathon.  In Disney World.  She is hoping running 13.1 miles in the Happiest Place on Earth is as much fun as it sounds.  As you read this, she’s probably working on her training schedule.  She found a pretty great running route where she regularly shares the road with bikers, walkers, dogs, horses, and the occasional deer.  She choose to give the deer a wide berth, just in case.  Deer are really big up close.  Pretty, but big.  Kind of scary, really.

The cats are still doing well.  Pippin spent the year on a diet and managed to gain weight, much like many Americans.  He prefers to be heavy so that when he choose to sleep on top of a person, they have to work harder to move him and might just let him stay.  Cadu has yet to climb the Christmas tree this season, but has clearly remembered that he looks beautiful while sleeping under it.

For the most part, life is status quo, and everyone is okay with that. 

For your holiday enjoyment, Megan has designed you a drinking game for the rest of the holiday newsletters you will likely receive this year.  Every time someone brags about their child, drink.  If someone brags more about one child than another, drink.  If someone talks about professional sports, drink.  If someone forgets to mention one of their children, stop drinking and save the bottle for that child.  If someone mentions winning the lottery, stop drinking, sober up, and get yourself over to their house.  Rich people throw sweet parties.