In Over My Head

photo credit: koniibu? via photopin cc

Finished up my training schedule through my first tri in June.  And I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.

Make that a lot overwhelmed.

I’m trying to balance my life and make sure that I’m properly trained for my tri while still being semi-trained for the half marathons I’m running through the spring.  Basically, the halfs are just being run for fun – no worries about pace or speed.  But I still need to get in the long runs necessary.

This week, I returned to choir rehearsals, with our final concert on Mother’s Day.  That means long rehearsals on Mondays.  I typically make that work by making Sunday my long run day, then making Monday a full-on rest day.

I had also signed up to be a “sherpa” with Cancer to 5K – basically a mentor, partner, and yes, the person who carries water bottles and anything else the new runner needs.  I’m excited to be a part of this program – it’s a great way to give back and it’s put on by Ulman Cancer Fund, the group that Team Fight fundraises for.  They meet on Wednesdays and Saturdays.  But with tri training, that made my schedule a little scary, especially with the need to do a brick workout on Wednesdays as well.  I was starting to feel very overwhelmed.

By coincidence, the leader of the group commented to me at swim practice that there were so many volunteers that there was a waiting list.

And my mind started to turn.

I don’t like to back out of commitments, especially charity commitments.  If I say I’m going to do something, I’m going to do it.  I emailed the coach to see what she thought.  And she told me that she understood my dilemma, but if I wanted to do it, I should, and if I felt I should back out, that was okay too.

So I decided to be selfish for once and take a step back.  I officially backed out of the program.  And I felt so bad doing it, but I knew it was the right thing.  My heart wouldn’t be in in 100%.  So instead I need to focus on me.  I’m still fundraising for UCF (as you can see in my sidebar), and I definitely plan to go and cheer on the runners at their final 5K.  I also told the coach that I wanted to be first on the list if she needed people for anything, and she promised she would let me know.  I have been reminded that I’m doing what’s best for me as well as what’s best for the participants, as well as giving another volunteer the chance to participate.  But I still feel guilty.

However, these are decisions that I have to make if I want to train properly, finish strong, and still retain my sanity.  Whatever it takes.